the Brand Review

Oh, Michael Landsberg? The host of the long running sports talk show on TSN, Off the Record? Yeah. He’s the worst.

His horrible tweeting continued today as he mused about the state of the New York Rangers.

So, a few things…first up: IS Mark Messier going to talk to Ryan Callahan? Have they scheduled a pep-talk? I don’t think this is even in the works, but if it was, nothing will get someone pumped up quite like a pre-meditated pep-talk! “Hey Ryan, are you available later? I want orate an inspirational message to your face. 5 o’clock sound good?”

Also, what the hell is Mark Messier going to say to these guys (again, assuming he’s actually going to say anything, which he probably isn’t) that is going to make them better, or try harder?

“Go get one for me, Mark Messier, you guys!”

“I’m a pretty big deal around this team, so when I tell you to win, you win.”

“I could give you the best pep-talk in the world, and it wouldn’t result in winning…so go out there and win!”

It’s worth mentioning the Rangers are on HOT 1-game winning streak. The team won’t win, or lose, or gain any extra hockey knowledge they didn’t already posses, by Callahan talking to Messier. There are hockey people of importance working for, or have links to, all NHL teams. Maybe if they all talk to the captains of all of those teams, they’ll ALL go undefeated.

Oh, Michael Landsberg? The host of the long running sports talk show on TSN, Off the Record? Yeah. He’s the worst.

His horrible tweeting continued today as he mused about the state of the New York Rangers.

So, a few things…first up: IS Mark Messier going to talk to Ryan Callahan? Have they scheduled a pep-talk? I don’t think this is even in the works, but if it was, nothing will get someone pumped up quite like a pre-meditated pep-talk! “Hey Ryan, are you available later? I want orate an inspirational message to your face. 5 o’clock sound good?”

Also, what the hell is Mark Messier going to say to these guys (again, assuming he’s actually going to say anything, which he probably isn’t) that is going to make them better, or try harder?

“Go get one for me, Mark Messier, you guys!”

“I’m a pretty big deal around this team, so when I tell you to win, you win.”

“I could give you the best pep-talk in the world, and it wouldn’t result in winning…so go out there and win!”

It’s worth mentioning the Rangers are on HOT 1-game winning streak. The team won’t win, or lose, or gain any extra hockey knowledge they didn’t already posses, by Callahan talking to Messier. There are hockey people of importance working for, or have links to, all NHL teams. Maybe if they all talk to the captains of all of those teams, they’ll ALL go undefeated.

Oh, Michael Landsberg? The host of the long running sports talk show on TSN, Off the Record? Yeah. He’s the worst.

His horrible tweeting continued today as he mused about the state of the New York Rangers.

So, a few things…first up: IS Mark Messier going to talk to Ryan Callahan? Have they scheduled a pep-talk? I don’t think this is even in the works, but if it was, nothing will get someone pumped up quite like a pre-meditated pep-talk! “Hey Ryan, are you available later? I want orate an inspirational message to your face. 5 o’clock sound good?”

Also, what the hell is Mark Messier going to say to these guys (again, assuming he’s actually going to say anything, which he probably isn’t) that is going to make them better, or try harder?

“Go get one for me, Mark Messier, you guys!”

“I’m a pretty big deal around this team, so when I tell you to win, you win.”

“I could give you the best pep-talk in the world, and it wouldn’t result in winning…so go out there and win!”

It’s worth mentioning the Rangers are on HOT 1-game winning streak. The team won’t win, or lose, or gain any extra hockey knowledge they didn’t already posses, by Callahan talking to Messier. There are hockey people of importance working for, or have links to, all NHL teams. Maybe if they all talk to the captains of all of those teams, they’ll ALL go undefeated.

Michael Landsberg, the host of the worst sports show on television, Off the Record, is uncategorically the worst.

He’s been the worst for awhile, but now I’m letting the world know, and it will be an ongoing thing.

What’s the worst part about him? Mostly his show. His interviews mostly consist of him saying to his guests “SAY SOMETHING FUNNY!” then they don’t because it’s a weird request, and he’s all like “awww, what a stick in the mud that guy is” then he replays the interview as ONE OF THE BEST INTERVIEWS HIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE.

Anyway, I’m going to talk about his tweets for now. He tweets some really dumb ass shit, on a daily basis, and it only takes a second to read, instead of 30 minutes of viewing, although I get just as irate. Ladies and Gentleman of the internet, I present Exhibit 1:

YES! Of COURSE we’re worried, Michael! There are only ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO GAMES THIS SEASON. BLOW IT UP!

Seriously the WORST.

Michael Landsberg, the host of the worst sports show on television, Off the Record, is uncategorically the worst.

He’s been the worst for awhile, but now I’m letting the world know, and it will be an ongoing thing.

What’s the worst part about him? Mostly his show. His interviews mostly consist of him saying to his guests “SAY SOMETHING FUNNY!” then they don’t because it’s a weird request, and he’s all like “awww, what a stick in the mud that guy is” then he replays the interview as ONE OF THE BEST INTERVIEWS HIS SHOW HAS EVER DONE.

Anyway, I’m going to talk about his tweets for now. He tweets some really dumb ass shit, on a daily basis, and it only takes a second to read, instead of 30 minutes of viewing, although I get just as irate. Ladies and Gentleman of the internet, I present Exhibit 1:

YES! Of COURSE we’re worried, Michael! There are only ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO GAMES THIS SEASON. BLOW IT UP!

Seriously the WORST.

Another NHL Trade Deadline has come and gone and thank Jesus or whoever you thank when something awful finally comes to end. 

We’re going to take a look at my hyper-unscientific list of 38 players who were rumoured to be in play today, but first, there are few things about the coverage to discuss.

LuongoCentre:

First, there was the Toronto Maple Leafs non-goalie acquisition. For weeks, two veteran goalies were said to be in play: Calgary’s Miikka Kiprusoff, and Vancouver’s Roberto Luongo.

Midway through the coverage, it was announced that Kiprusoff would be exercising his right to stay in Calgary due to his no trade clause, and likely retire after the season. That put the spotlight squarely on Luongo. At this point, there still had been very little action. So TSN had to fill their airtime with something. That thing, of course, was pandering to the Leafs viewers with hardcore Luongo talk. The idea of Luongo moving to Toronto was the main story. For hours the panels talked about a move that ultimately didn’t materialize. It was super duper shitty television. It also seemed the more the panelists talked about it at length, they’re realized what the Leafs and Canucks had kinda known all along: Luongo’s bloated contract was going to make it near impossible to move him. 

To repeat, most of the day was spent talking about a player that didn’t get traded. 

The Machine Becomes Self-Aware:

Perhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was simply filling time. Perhaps it was a little bit of anger. But today, the panelists who were in charge of guiding us through today’s deadline coverage, blew a gasket. They rose up against their TV executive masters and let loose with how they really felt. Well, kinda. Really, there were snide comments, or jokey comments, or just letting off some steam.

First, there was James Duthie’s outright admission that the show had become “a parody of itself” when he was talking with Jay Onrait about what to name his plant. This was somehow the highpoint, and low point, of the day.

Then there was a segment with Keith Jones and Mike Milbury. In an earlier segment, with Duthie interviewing the two, Milbury’s phone kept ringing. This caused laughter among the 3. SOMETHING UNSCRIPTED HAPPENED! HILARIOUS! Later, when Duthie was interviewing them again, he asked Milbury about the status of his phone. “It’s dead. It’s as dead as your show.” Milbury was joking, but not really. And everyone knew it. 

Finally, Geno Reda was musing the idea of buying out the contracts of players with…uh…whoever the hell he was sitting with. When that discussion wrapped, Reda threw in back to Duthie, who was busy listening to his producer through his earpiece at the time.  Except when Reda threw it back to Duthie, it was in the form of a question. Duthie explained he hadn’t heard the question and asked, honest to god, “was your question relevant?” Feeling defeated, or tired, Redo fired back, “No. Nothing we’ve said today has been relevant.” 

In the three examples above, the presenters were joking, but not really joking. Really, they were mocking the trade deadline extravaganza for the whole world to see. 

The Final Tally:

Yesterday I compiled a list of 38 players who had been rumoured to be traded in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the trade deadline:

Of the 38 listed, 12 were traded. 

Of the 38 listed, 5 were traded today.

That’s weeks of build-up, with all of their experts throwing out opinions, weighing in, and on the big day, 5 of 38 players were moved. In all, there were 17 trades. Eight of them were reported after the deadline had expired, and 5 were reported in the final hour leading to the deadline.

So what’s the takeaway? Mostly that 10 hours of live coverage is probably WAY to0 long. Perhaps 3 hours, 2 hours before the deadline, and 1 hour after, would be more appropriate. Trade deadlines are inherently exciting as their own entity. A 3-hour show where there’s lots of stuff happening would have been fun to watch. The lead up to the action wasn’t exciting. It was mind numbing for the audience and the presenters.

Now, for the hell of it, he’s the list of our 38 favourite players who were, and were not traded:

Jamie McBain (Carolina Hurricanes - sorry you have to stay in Carolina)

Mark Giordano (Calgary Flames - no one wanted you)

Adrian Aucion (Columbus Blue Jackets - you may continue to toil in obscurity)

Ales Hemsky (Edmonton Oilers - you get paid too much)

Jussi Jokinen (Carolina Hurricanes - traded to the Penguins and when Crosby gets back you’re probably not playing much)

Ryan Jones (Edmonton Oilers - still pretty shitty. why were you trade bait?)

Mike Ribeiro (Washington Capitals - your cocky ass can stay in Washington)

Raffi Torres (Phoenix Coyotes - you are reckless but I guess someone still wants you on their team and that team is the Sharks)

Lee Stempniak (Calgary Flames - you have to stay on the sinking ship)

Boyd Gordon (Phoenix Coyotes - I still have no idea who you are)

Eric Nystrom (Dallas Stars - you remain unimportant)

Brad Boyes (New York Islanders - i’ve said it once i’ll say it again: why he hasn’t been more linked to the COPS theme song is beyond me)

Tyler Bozak (Toronto Maple Leafs - pretty hilarious last name, really)

Keith Yandle (Phoenix Coyotes - you were deemed too good to be traded)

Curtis Glencross (Calgary Flames - your deformed face stays in Calgary)

Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames  Totes traded to the Penguins)

Jay Bouwmeester (Calgary Flames omg so traded to the Blues)

Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks - you and your own goal scoring demons remain in San Jose)

Marian Gaborik (New York Rangers - you’ve been traded to Columbus. Now you can ruin that franchise too)

Derek Roy (Dallas Stars yeah you play for the Canucks now)

Brendan Morrow (Dallas Stars you can totally bunk with Iggy in Pittsburgh)

Jaromir Jagr (Dallas Stars lulz you’re old and now you have to live in Boston. GL with that)

Ben Bishop (Ottawa Senators - now you live in tampa bay, you tall bastard)

Jonathan Bernier (LA Kings - so, so French…I think. Still with the LA Kings, for sure)

Mark Streit (NY Islanders - you’re staying but maybe your team will move to Brooklyn and get cool new uniforms)

Ryan Whitney (Edmonton Oilers - this team is probably gonna finish 9th. That’s all i’ve got)

Ryan Clowe (San Jose Sharks have fun in New York - no really, it’s supposed to be great)

Tomas Fleischmann (Flordia Panthers - you need a catchier name)

Clarke MacArthur (Toronto Maple Leafs - sup bro)

Mason Raymond (Vancouver Canucks - oh hey, brah)

Miikka Kipprusoff (Calgary Flames - happy retirement!)

Loui Erikkson (Dallas Stars - you never should have been on this list)

Mike Smith (Phoenix Coyotes - witness protection has decided to keep you in the same city)

Jordan Leopold (Buffalo Sabres umm you got traded but I forgot who you got traded too but that’s okay because you are sucky)

Filip Kuba (Florida Panthers - you did not get filiped to another team)

Jason Pominville (Buffalo Sabres - have fun in Minnesota. It’s like Canada, but in Minnesota)

Thomas Vanek (Buffalo Sabres - congratulations, you are still in Buffalo)

Ryan Miller (Buffalo Sabres - you have to remain a teammate with the teammates you call names and lazy)

Another NHL Trade Deadline has come and gone and thank Jesus or whoever you thank when something awful finally comes to end. 

We’re going to take a look at my hyper-unscientific list of 38 players who were rumoured to be in play today, but first, there are few things about the coverage to discuss.

LuongoCentre:

First, there was the Toronto Maple Leafs non-goalie acquisition. For weeks, two veteran goalies were said to be in play: Calgary’s Miikka Kiprusoff, and Vancouver’s Roberto Luongo.

Midway through the coverage, it was announced that Kiprusoff would be exercising his right to stay in Calgary due to his no trade clause, and likely retire after the season. That put the spotlight squarely on Luongo. At this point, there still had been very little action. So TSN had to fill their airtime with something. That thing, of course, was pandering to the Leafs viewers with hardcore Luongo talk. The idea of Luongo moving to Toronto was the main story. For hours the panels talked about a move that ultimately didn’t materialize. It was super duper shitty television. It also seemed the more the panelists talked about it at length, they’re realized what the Leafs and Canucks had kinda known all along: Luongo’s bloated contract was going to make it near impossible to move him. 

To repeat, most of the day was spent talking about a player that didn’t get traded. 

The Machine Becomes Self-Aware:

Perhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was simply filling time. Perhaps it was a little bit of anger. But today, the panelists who were in charge of guiding us through today’s deadline coverage, blew a gasket. They rose up against their TV executive masters and let loose with how they really felt. Well, kinda. Really, there were snide comments, or jokey comments, or just letting off some steam.

First, there was James Duthie’s outright admission that the show had become “a parody of itself” when he was talking with Jay Onrait about what to name his plant. This was somehow the highpoint, and low point, of the day.

Then there was a segment with Keith Jones and Mike Milbury. In an earlier segment, with Duthie interviewing the two, Milbury’s phone kept ringing. This caused laughter among the 3. SOMETHING UNSCRIPTED HAPPENED! HILARIOUS! Later, when Duthie was interviewing them again, he asked Milbury about the status of his phone. “It’s dead. It’s as dead as your show.” Milbury was joking, but not really. And everyone knew it. 

Finally, Geno Reda was musing the idea of buying out the contracts of players with…uh…whoever the hell he was sitting with. When that discussion wrapped, Reda threw in back to Duthie, who was busy listening to his producer through his earpiece at the time.  Except when Reda threw it back to Duthie, it was in the form of a question. Duthie explained he hadn’t heard the question and asked, honest to god, “was your question relevant?” Feeling defeated, or tired, Redo fired back, “No. Nothing we’ve said today has been relevant.” 

In the three examples above, the presenters were joking, but not really joking. Really, they were mocking the trade deadline extravaganza for the whole world to see. 

The Final Tally:

Yesterday I compiled a list of 38 players who had been rumoured to be traded in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the trade deadline:

Of the 38 listed, 12 were traded. 

Of the 38 listed, 5 were traded today.

That’s weeks of build-up, with all of their experts throwing out opinions, weighing in, and on the big day, 5 of 38 players were moved. In all, there were 17 trades. Eight of them were reported after the deadline had expired, and 5 were reported in the final hour leading to the deadline.

So what’s the takeaway? Mostly that 10 hours of live coverage is probably WAY to0 long. Perhaps 3 hours, 2 hours before the deadline, and 1 hour after, would be more appropriate. Trade deadlines are inherently exciting as their own entity. A 3-hour show where there’s lots of stuff happening would have been fun to watch. The lead up to the action wasn’t exciting. It was mind numbing for the audience and the presenters.

Now, for the hell of it, he’s the list of our 38 favourite players who were, and were not traded:

Jamie McBain (Carolina Hurricanes - sorry you have to stay in Carolina)

Mark Giordano (Calgary Flames - no one wanted you)

Adrian Aucion (Columbus Blue Jackets - you may continue to toil in obscurity)

Ales Hemsky (Edmonton Oilers - you get paid too much)

Jussi Jokinen (Carolina Hurricanes - traded to the Penguins and when Crosby gets back you’re probably not playing much)

Ryan Jones (Edmonton Oilers - still pretty shitty. why were you trade bait?)

Mike Ribeiro (Washington Capitals - your cocky ass can stay in Washington)

Raffi Torres (Phoenix Coyotes - you are reckless but I guess someone still wants you on their team and that team is the Sharks)

Lee Stempniak (Calgary Flames - you have to stay on the sinking ship)

Boyd Gordon (Phoenix Coyotes - I still have no idea who you are)

Eric Nystrom (Dallas Stars - you remain unimportant)

Brad Boyes (New York Islanders - i’ve said it once i’ll say it again: why he hasn’t been more linked to the COPS theme song is beyond me)

Tyler Bozak (Toronto Maple Leafs - pretty hilarious last name, really)

Keith Yandle (Phoenix Coyotes - you were deemed too good to be traded)

Curtis Glencross (Calgary Flames - your deformed face stays in Calgary)

Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames  Totes traded to the Penguins)

Jay Bouwmeester (Calgary Flames omg so traded to the Blues)

Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks - you and your own goal scoring demons remain in San Jose)

Marian Gaborik (New York Rangers - you’ve been traded to Columbus. Now you can ruin that franchise too)

Derek Roy (Dallas Stars yeah you play for the Canucks now)

Brendan Morrow (Dallas Stars you can totally bunk with Iggy in Pittsburgh)

Jaromir Jagr (Dallas Stars lulz you’re old and now you have to live in Boston. GL with that)

Ben Bishop (Ottawa Senators - now you live in tampa bay, you tall bastard)

Jonathan Bernier (LA Kings - so, so French…I think. Still with the LA Kings, for sure)

Mark Streit (NY Islanders - you’re staying but maybe your team will move to Brooklyn and get cool new uniforms)

Ryan Whitney (Edmonton Oilers - this team is probably gonna finish 9th. That’s all i’ve got)

Ryan Clowe (San Jose Sharks have fun in New York - no really, it’s supposed to be great)

Tomas Fleischmann (Flordia Panthers - you need a catchier name)

Clarke MacArthur (Toronto Maple Leafs - sup bro)

Mason Raymond (Vancouver Canucks - oh hey, brah)

Miikka Kipprusoff (Calgary Flames - happy retirement!)

Loui Erikkson (Dallas Stars - you never should have been on this list)

Mike Smith (Phoenix Coyotes - witness protection has decided to keep you in the same city)

Jordan Leopold (Buffalo Sabres umm you got traded but I forgot who you got traded too but that’s okay because you are sucky)

Filip Kuba (Florida Panthers - you did not get filiped to another team)

Jason Pominville (Buffalo Sabres - have fun in Minnesota. It’s like Canada, but in Minnesota)

Thomas Vanek (Buffalo Sabres - congratulations, you are still in Buffalo)

Ryan Miller (Buffalo Sabres - you have to remain a teammate with the teammates you call names and lazy)

Another NHL Trade Deadline has come and gone and thank Jesus or whoever you thank when something awful finally comes to end. 

We’re going to take a look at my hyper-unscientific list of 38 players who were rumoured to be in play today, but first, there are few things about the coverage to discuss.

LuongoCentre:

First, there was the Toronto Maple Leafs non-goalie acquisition. For weeks, two veteran goalies were said to be in play: Calgary’s Miikka Kiprusoff, and Vancouver’s Roberto Luongo.

Midway through the coverage, it was announced that Kiprusoff would be exercising his right to stay in Calgary due to his no trade clause, and likely retire after the season. That put the spotlight squarely on Luongo. At this point, there still had been very little action. So TSN had to fill their airtime with something. That thing, of course, was pandering to the Leafs viewers with hardcore Luongo talk. The idea of Luongo moving to Toronto was the main story. For hours the panels talked about a move that ultimately didn’t materialize. It was super duper shitty television. It also seemed the more the panelists talked about it at length, they’re realized what the Leafs and Canucks had kinda known all along: Luongo’s bloated contract was going to make it near impossible to move him. 

To repeat, most of the day was spent talking about a player that didn’t get traded. 

The Machine Becomes Self-Aware:

Perhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was simply filling time. Perhaps it was a little bit of anger. But today, the panelists who were in charge of guiding us through today’s deadline coverage, blew a gasket. They rose up against their TV executive masters and let loose with how they really felt. Well, kinda. Really, there were snide comments, or jokey comments, or just letting off some steam.

First, there was James Duthie’s outright admission that the show had become “a parody of itself” when he was talking with Jay Onrait about what to name his plant. This was somehow the highpoint, and low point, of the day.

Then there was a segment with Keith Jones and Mike Milbury. In an earlier segment, with Duthie interviewing the two, Milbury’s phone kept ringing. This caused laughter among the 3. SOMETHING UNSCRIPTED HAPPENED! HILARIOUS! Later, when Duthie was interviewing them again, he asked Milbury about the status of his phone. “It’s dead. It’s as dead as your show.” Milbury was joking, but not really. And everyone knew it. 

Finally, Geno Reda was musing the idea of buying out the contracts of players with…uh…whoever the hell he was sitting with. When that discussion wrapped, Reda threw in back to Duthie, who was busy listening to his producer through his earpiece at the time.  Except when Reda threw it back to Duthie, it was in the form of a question. Duthie explained he hadn’t heard the question and asked, honest to god, “was your question relevant?” Feeling defeated, or tired, Redo fired back, “No. Nothing we’ve said today has been relevant.” 

In the three examples above, the presenters were joking, but not really joking. Really, they were mocking the trade deadline extravaganza for the whole world to see. 

The Final Tally:

Yesterday I compiled a list of 38 players who had been rumoured to be traded in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the trade deadline:

Of the 38 listed, 12 were traded. 

Of the 38 listed, 5 were traded today.

That’s weeks of build-up, with all of their experts throwing out opinions, weighing in, and on the big day, 5 of 38 players were moved. In all, there were 17 trades. Eight of them were reported after the deadline had expired, and 5 were reported in the final hour leading to the deadline.

So what’s the takeaway? Mostly that 10 hours of live coverage is probably WAY to0 long. Perhaps 3 hours, 2 hours before the deadline, and 1 hour after, would be more appropriate. Trade deadlines are inherently exciting as their own entity. A 3-hour show where there’s lots of stuff happening would have been fun to watch. The lead up to the action wasn’t exciting. It was mind numbing for the audience and the presenters.

Now, for the hell of it, he’s the list of our 38 favourite players who were, and were not traded:

Jamie McBain (Carolina Hurricanes - sorry you have to stay in Carolina)

Mark Giordano (Calgary Flames - no one wanted you)

Adrian Aucion (Columbus Blue Jackets - you may continue to toil in obscurity)

Ales Hemsky (Edmonton Oilers - you get paid too much)

Jussi Jokinen (Carolina Hurricanes - traded to the Penguins and when Crosby gets back you’re probably not playing much)

Ryan Jones (Edmonton Oilers - still pretty shitty. why were you trade bait?)

Mike Ribeiro (Washington Capitals - your cocky ass can stay in Washington)

Raffi Torres (Phoenix Coyotes - you are reckless but I guess someone still wants you on their team and that team is the Sharks)

Lee Stempniak (Calgary Flames - you have to stay on the sinking ship)

Boyd Gordon (Phoenix Coyotes - I still have no idea who you are)

Eric Nystrom (Dallas Stars - you remain unimportant)

Brad Boyes (New York Islanders - i’ve said it once i’ll say it again: why he hasn’t been more linked to the COPS theme song is beyond me)

Tyler Bozak (Toronto Maple Leafs - pretty hilarious last name, really)

Keith Yandle (Phoenix Coyotes - you were deemed too good to be traded)

Curtis Glencross (Calgary Flames - your deformed face stays in Calgary)

Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames  Totes traded to the Penguins)

Jay Bouwmeester (Calgary Flames omg so traded to the Blues)

Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks - you and your own goal scoring demons remain in San Jose)

Marian Gaborik (New York Rangers - you’ve been traded to Columbus. Now you can ruin that franchise too)

Derek Roy (Dallas Stars yeah you play for the Canucks now)

Brendan Morrow (Dallas Stars you can totally bunk with Iggy in Pittsburgh)

Jaromir Jagr (Dallas Stars lulz you’re old and now you have to live in Boston. GL with that)

Ben Bishop (Ottawa Senators - now you live in tampa bay, you tall bastard)

Jonathan Bernier (LA Kings - so, so French…I think. Still with the LA Kings, for sure)

Mark Streit (NY Islanders - you’re staying but maybe your team will move to Brooklyn and get cool new uniforms)

Ryan Whitney (Edmonton Oilers - this team is probably gonna finish 9th. That’s all i’ve got)

Ryan Clowe (San Jose Sharks have fun in New York - no really, it’s supposed to be great)

Tomas Fleischmann (Flordia Panthers - you need a catchier name)

Clarke MacArthur (Toronto Maple Leafs - sup bro)

Mason Raymond (Vancouver Canucks - oh hey, brah)

Miikka Kipprusoff (Calgary Flames - happy retirement!)

Loui Erikkson (Dallas Stars - you never should have been on this list)

Mike Smith (Phoenix Coyotes - witness protection has decided to keep you in the same city)

Jordan Leopold (Buffalo Sabres umm you got traded but I forgot who you got traded too but that’s okay because you are sucky)

Filip Kuba (Florida Panthers - you did not get filiped to another team)

Jason Pominville (Buffalo Sabres - have fun in Minnesota. It’s like Canada, but in Minnesota)

Thomas Vanek (Buffalo Sabres - congratulations, you are still in Buffalo)

Ryan Miller (Buffalo Sabres - you have to remain a teammate with the teammates you call names and lazy)

Another NHL Trade Deadline has come and gone and thank Jesus or whoever you thank when something awful finally comes to end. 

We’re going to take a look at my hyper-unscientific list of 38 players who were rumoured to be in play today, but first, there are few things about the coverage to discuss.

LuongoCentre:

First, there was the Toronto Maple Leafs non-goalie acquisition. For weeks, two veteran goalies were said to be in play: Calgary’s Miikka Kiprusoff, and Vancouver’s Roberto Luongo.

Midway through the coverage, it was announced that Kiprusoff would be exercising his right to stay in Calgary due to his no trade clause, and likely retire after the season. That put the spotlight squarely on Luongo. At this point, there still had been very little action. So TSN had to fill their airtime with something. That thing, of course, was pandering to the Leafs viewers with hardcore Luongo talk. The idea of Luongo moving to Toronto was the main story. For hours the panels talked about a move that ultimately didn’t materialize. It was super duper shitty television. It also seemed the more the panelists talked about it at length, they’re realized what the Leafs and Canucks had kinda known all along: Luongo’s bloated contract was going to make it near impossible to move him. 

To repeat, most of the day was spent talking about a player that didn’t get traded. 

The Machine Becomes Self-Aware:

Perhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was simply filling time. Perhaps it was a little bit of anger. But today, the panelists who were in charge of guiding us through today’s deadline coverage, blew a gasket. They rose up against their TV executive masters and let loose with how they really felt. Well, kinda. Really, there were snide comments, or jokey comments, or just letting off some steam.

First, there was James Duthie’s outright admission that the show had become “a parody of itself” when he was talking with Jay Onrait about what to name his plant. This was somehow the highpoint, and low point, of the day.

Then there was a segment with Keith Jones and Mike Milbury. In an earlier segment, with Duthie interviewing the two, Milbury’s phone kept ringing. This caused laughter among the 3. SOMETHING UNSCRIPTED HAPPENED! HILARIOUS! Later, when Duthie was interviewing them again, he asked Milbury about the status of his phone. “It’s dead. It’s as dead as your show.” Milbury was joking, but not really. And everyone knew it. 

Finally, Geno Reda was musing the idea of buying out the contracts of players with…uh…whoever the hell he was sitting with. When that discussion wrapped, Reda threw in back to Duthie, who was busy listening to his producer through his earpiece at the time.  Except when Reda threw it back to Duthie, it was in the form of a question. Duthie explained he hadn’t heard the question and asked, honest to god, “was your question relevant?” Feeling defeated, or tired, Redo fired back, “No. Nothing we’ve said today has been relevant.” 

In the three examples above, the presenters were joking, but not really joking. Really, they were mocking the trade deadline extravaganza for the whole world to see. 

The Final Tally:

Yesterday I compiled a list of 38 players who had been rumoured to be traded in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the trade deadline:

Of the 38 listed, 12 were traded. 

Of the 38 listed, 5 were traded today.

That’s weeks of build-up, with all of their experts throwing out opinions, weighing in, and on the big day, 5 of 38 players were moved. In all, there were 17 trades. Eight of them were reported after the deadline had expired, and 5 were reported in the final hour leading to the deadline.

So what’s the takeaway? Mostly that 10 hours of live coverage is probably WAY to0 long. Perhaps 3 hours, 2 hours before the deadline, and 1 hour after, would be more appropriate. Trade deadlines are inherently exciting as their own entity. A 3-hour show where there’s lots of stuff happening would have been fun to watch. The lead up to the action wasn’t exciting. It was mind numbing for the audience and the presenters.

Now, for the hell of it, he’s the list of our 38 favourite players who were, and were not traded:

Jamie McBain (Carolina Hurricanes - sorry you have to stay in Carolina)

Mark Giordano (Calgary Flames - no one wanted you)

Adrian Aucion (Columbus Blue Jackets - you may continue to toil in obscurity)

Ales Hemsky (Edmonton Oilers - you get paid too much)

Jussi Jokinen (Carolina Hurricanes - traded to the Penguins and when Crosby gets back you’re probably not playing much)

Ryan Jones (Edmonton Oilers - still pretty shitty. why were you trade bait?)

Mike Ribeiro (Washington Capitals - your cocky ass can stay in Washington)

Raffi Torres (Phoenix Coyotes - you are reckless but I guess someone still wants you on their team and that team is the Sharks)

Lee Stempniak (Calgary Flames - you have to stay on the sinking ship)

Boyd Gordon (Phoenix Coyotes - I still have no idea who you are)

Eric Nystrom (Dallas Stars - you remain unimportant)

Brad Boyes (New York Islanders - i’ve said it once i’ll say it again: why he hasn’t been more linked to the COPS theme song is beyond me)

Tyler Bozak (Toronto Maple Leafs - pretty hilarious last name, really)

Keith Yandle (Phoenix Coyotes - you were deemed too good to be traded)

Curtis Glencross (Calgary Flames - your deformed face stays in Calgary)

Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames  Totes traded to the Penguins)

Jay Bouwmeester (Calgary Flames omg so traded to the Blues)

Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks - you and your own goal scoring demons remain in San Jose)

Marian Gaborik (New York Rangers - you’ve been traded to Columbus. Now you can ruin that franchise too)

Derek Roy (Dallas Stars yeah you play for the Canucks now)

Brendan Morrow (Dallas Stars you can totally bunk with Iggy in Pittsburgh)

Jaromir Jagr (Dallas Stars lulz you’re old and now you have to live in Boston. GL with that)

Ben Bishop (Ottawa Senators - now you live in tampa bay, you tall bastard)

Jonathan Bernier (LA Kings - so, so French…I think. Still with the LA Kings, for sure)

Mark Streit (NY Islanders - you’re staying but maybe your team will move to Brooklyn and get cool new uniforms)

Ryan Whitney (Edmonton Oilers - this team is probably gonna finish 9th. That’s all i’ve got)

Ryan Clowe (San Jose Sharks have fun in New York - no really, it’s supposed to be great)

Tomas Fleischmann (Flordia Panthers - you need a catchier name)

Clarke MacArthur (Toronto Maple Leafs - sup bro)

Mason Raymond (Vancouver Canucks - oh hey, brah)

Miikka Kipprusoff (Calgary Flames - happy retirement!)

Loui Erikkson (Dallas Stars - you never should have been on this list)

Mike Smith (Phoenix Coyotes - witness protection has decided to keep you in the same city)

Jordan Leopold (Buffalo Sabres umm you got traded but I forgot who you got traded too but that’s okay because you are sucky)

Filip Kuba (Florida Panthers - you did not get filiped to another team)

Jason Pominville (Buffalo Sabres - have fun in Minnesota. It’s like Canada, but in Minnesota)

Thomas Vanek (Buffalo Sabres - congratulations, you are still in Buffalo)

Ryan Miller (Buffalo Sabres - you have to remain a teammate with the teammates you call names and lazy)

Another NHL Trade Deadline has come and gone and thank Jesus or whoever you thank when something awful finally comes to end. 

We’re going to take a look at my hyper-unscientific list of 38 players who were rumoured to be in play today, but first, there are few things about the coverage to discuss.

LuongoCentre:

First, there was the Toronto Maple Leafs non-goalie acquisition. For weeks, two veteran goalies were said to be in play: Calgary’s Miikka Kiprusoff, and Vancouver’s Roberto Luongo.

Midway through the coverage, it was announced that Kiprusoff would be exercising his right to stay in Calgary due to his no trade clause, and likely retire after the season. That put the spotlight squarely on Luongo. At this point, there still had been very little action. So TSN had to fill their airtime with something. That thing, of course, was pandering to the Leafs viewers with hardcore Luongo talk. The idea of Luongo moving to Toronto was the main story. For hours the panels talked about a move that ultimately didn’t materialize. It was super duper shitty television. It also seemed the more the panelists talked about it at length, they’re realized what the Leafs and Canucks had kinda known all along: Luongo’s bloated contract was going to make it near impossible to move him. 

To repeat, most of the day was spent talking about a player that didn’t get traded. 

The Machine Becomes Self-Aware:

Perhaps it was boredom. Perhaps it was simply filling time. Perhaps it was a little bit of anger. But today, the panelists who were in charge of guiding us through today’s deadline coverage, blew a gasket. They rose up against their TV executive masters and let loose with how they really felt. Well, kinda. Really, there were snide comments, or jokey comments, or just letting off some steam.

First, there was James Duthie’s outright admission that the show had become “a parody of itself” when he was talking with Jay Onrait about what to name his plant. This was somehow the highpoint, and low point, of the day.

Then there was a segment with Keith Jones and Mike Milbury. In an earlier segment, with Duthie interviewing the two, Milbury’s phone kept ringing. This caused laughter among the 3. SOMETHING UNSCRIPTED HAPPENED! HILARIOUS! Later, when Duthie was interviewing them again, he asked Milbury about the status of his phone. “It’s dead. It’s as dead as your show.” Milbury was joking, but not really. And everyone knew it. 

Finally, Geno Reda was musing the idea of buying out the contracts of players with…uh…whoever the hell he was sitting with. When that discussion wrapped, Reda threw in back to Duthie, who was busy listening to his producer through his earpiece at the time.  Except when Reda threw it back to Duthie, it was in the form of a question. Duthie explained he hadn’t heard the question and asked, honest to god, “was your question relevant?” Feeling defeated, or tired, Redo fired back, “No. Nothing we’ve said today has been relevant.” 

In the three examples above, the presenters were joking, but not really joking. Really, they were mocking the trade deadline extravaganza for the whole world to see. 

The Final Tally:

Yesterday I compiled a list of 38 players who had been rumoured to be traded in the weeks, days and hours leading up to the trade deadline:

Of the 38 listed, 12 were traded. 

Of the 38 listed, 5 were traded today.

That’s weeks of build-up, with all of their experts throwing out opinions, weighing in, and on the big day, 5 of 38 players were moved. In all, there were 17 trades. Eight of them were reported after the deadline had expired, and 5 were reported in the final hour leading to the deadline.

So what’s the takeaway? Mostly that 10 hours of live coverage is probably WAY to0 long. Perhaps 3 hours, 2 hours before the deadline, and 1 hour after, would be more appropriate. Trade deadlines are inherently exciting as their own entity. A 3-hour show where there’s lots of stuff happening would have been fun to watch. The lead up to the action wasn’t exciting. It was mind numbing for the audience and the presenters.

Now, for the hell of it, he’s the list of our 38 favourite players who were, and were not traded:

Jamie McBain (Carolina Hurricanes - sorry you have to stay in Carolina)

Mark Giordano (Calgary Flames - no one wanted you)

Adrian Aucion (Columbus Blue Jackets - you may continue to toil in obscurity)

Ales Hemsky (Edmonton Oilers - you get paid too much)

Jussi Jokinen (Carolina Hurricanes - traded to the Penguins and when Crosby gets back you’re probably not playing much)

Ryan Jones (Edmonton Oilers - still pretty shitty. why were you trade bait?)

Mike Ribeiro (Washington Capitals - your cocky ass can stay in Washington)

Raffi Torres (Phoenix Coyotes - you are reckless but I guess someone still wants you on their team and that team is the Sharks)

Lee Stempniak (Calgary Flames - you have to stay on the sinking ship)

Boyd Gordon (Phoenix Coyotes - I still have no idea who you are)

Eric Nystrom (Dallas Stars - you remain unimportant)

Brad Boyes (New York Islanders - i’ve said it once i’ll say it again: why he hasn’t been more linked to the COPS theme song is beyond me)

Tyler Bozak (Toronto Maple Leafs - pretty hilarious last name, really)

Keith Yandle (Phoenix Coyotes - you were deemed too good to be traded)

Curtis Glencross (Calgary Flames - your deformed face stays in Calgary)

Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames  Totes traded to the Penguins)

Jay Bouwmeester (Calgary Flames omg so traded to the Blues)

Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks - you and your own goal scoring demons remain in San Jose)

Marian Gaborik (New York Rangers - you’ve been traded to Columbus. Now you can ruin that franchise too)

Derek Roy (Dallas Stars yeah you play for the Canucks now)

Brendan Morrow (Dallas Stars you can totally bunk with Iggy in Pittsburgh)

Jaromir Jagr (Dallas Stars lulz you’re old and now you have to live in Boston. GL with that)

Ben Bishop (Ottawa Senators - now you live in tampa bay, you tall bastard)

Jonathan Bernier (LA Kings - so, so French…I think. Still with the LA Kings, for sure)

Mark Streit (NY Islanders - you’re staying but maybe your team will move to Brooklyn and get cool new uniforms)

Ryan Whitney (Edmonton Oilers - this team is probably gonna finish 9th. That’s all i’ve got)

Ryan Clowe (San Jose Sharks have fun in New York - no really, it’s supposed to be great)

Tomas Fleischmann (Flordia Panthers - you need a catchier name)

Clarke MacArthur (Toronto Maple Leafs - sup bro)

Mason Raymond (Vancouver Canucks - oh hey, brah)

Miikka Kipprusoff (Calgary Flames - happy retirement!)

Loui Erikkson (Dallas Stars - you never should have been on this list)

Mike Smith (Phoenix Coyotes - witness protection has decided to keep you in the same city)

Jordan Leopold (Buffalo Sabres umm you got traded but I forgot who you got traded too but that’s okay because you are sucky)

Filip Kuba (Florida Panthers - you did not get filiped to another team)

Jason Pominville (Buffalo Sabres - have fun in Minnesota. It’s like Canada, but in Minnesota)

Thomas Vanek (Buffalo Sabres - congratulations, you are still in Buffalo)

Ryan Miller (Buffalo Sabres - you have to remain a teammate with the teammates you call names and lazy)

And it’s a bunch of no-names! Fuck!

Who IS Maxime Sauve? What DOES Rob Flick do? Who knows! No one cares! Probably their respective families! Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Sauve and Flick! Your boys are a-movin’!

And it’s a bunch of no-names! Fuck!

Who IS Maxime Sauve? What DOES Rob Flick do? Who knows! No one cares! Probably their respective families! Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Sauve and Flick! Your boys are a-movin’!

And it’s a bunch of no-names! Fuck!

Who IS Maxime Sauve? What DOES Rob Flick do? Who knows! No one cares! Probably their respective families! Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Sauve and Flick! Your boys are a-movin’!

And it’s a bunch of no-names! Fuck!

Who IS Maxime Sauve? What DOES Rob Flick do? Who knows! No one cares! Probably their respective families! Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Sauve and Flick! Your boys are a-movin’!